Empty Apologies
by stress
Summary: You keep saying that you’re sorry, Jacky Boy, but that don’t mean nothing to me. Your words are empty. [JackxSpot, Jack's POV, ficlet][rated for minor language and slashy themes][companion to Not Here]
1. September 1, 1899

Author's Note: _This is a small ficlet that is the companion piece to _Not Here_. It is in Jack's POV and will feature the letters from Spot to Jack. You don't necessarily have to read _Not Here _to understand this but it might make it more well-rounded. Plus, it's really short, too._

Disclaimer: _I do not own the characters of Spot Conlon, Jack Kelly or any other character from the 1992 Disney musical, _Newsies.

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Empty Apologies

_You keep saying that you're sorry, Jacky-Boy, but that don't mean nothing to me._

--

_Most people have a harder time letting themselves love than finding someone to love them._  
– Bill Russell

--

September 1, 1899

_Santa Fe? Are you there? Do you swear you won't forget me? If I found you would you let me come and stay?_

I can't believe I'm waiting at the train yards, a well-earned ticket to Santa Fe clutched in my hand. I guess it's a good thing I never gave good old Joe his money back, eh?

You know, back in July – I didn't think I'd be heading out West anytime soon. I had David, I had Sarah, I had the boys… I had Spot.

_Spot…_

Goddamn that little Brooklyn bum. It's him, I'm leaving for. I just can't stay around anymore.

If he hadn't approached me after the strike…

If I hadn't let him kiss me…

He said he loved me. And now I'm leaving. Does it make any sense? Of course not. But when ever before did Jack Kelly make sense? Dave had the brains for the strike. That's why we won. I went scab. I ain't smart and I know it.

_You're my chance to break free and who knows when my next one will be?_

But the train's here now and I gotta go.

_Santa Fe, wait for me…_

I'm on my way.

So long, New York.


	2. December 5, 1899

Author's Note: _Okay, here's chapter two. It's a little more swear-heavy than _Not Here _only because I see Spot Conlon has the sort of character who – if he wasn't doomed to be a Disney character – would use the f-word ever other word. Enjoy._

Disclaimer: _I do not own the characters of Spot Conlon, Jack Kelly or any other character from the 1992 Disney musical, _Newsies.

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Empty Apologies

_You keep saying that you're sorry, Jacky-Boy, but that don't mean nothing to me._

--

_Jack Kelly  
1134 Cerrillos Rd  
Santa Fe, New Mexico  
(Territory of the U.S.) _

--

December 5, 1899

Jacky,

What the hell was that last post? You took off on me almost three months ago and that was supposed to be my 'sorry' letter? Come on now, Jacky Boy. That was more of a 'fuck you' letter and you know it.

For God's sake, you started out by asking how I was. How do you think I am? You're in fucking Santa Fe. Seriously, how do you think I feel?

Sometimes I don't think you think. Ain't there a brain in that big head of your's?

I guess not. That's why we kept the Mouth around, after all.

Well, if you want to pussyfoot around everything, two can play that game.

So, Jack, you like Santa Fe? How was the train ride up? Was it comfy? God, I hope not.

Brooklyn's great. The Bridge is still standing. Insert more random bullshit that you don't care about here…

Yeah, good going bringing up that Jacobs' girl. I still think that image of you and her kissing in the middle of the street is burned before my eyes. I swear that I could taste her when I kissed you later that night.

Shit. I didn't want to remember the kiss – and I did. I wanted to hold onto the anger and now I don't think I can. I want to equate you with the devil and all I see is a face that belongs to an angel. Well, a dirty, smart ass of an angel but I think you get the point.

But you're right, Jacky Boy. You are a coward. You always seemed to put up a good front but I knew you better. I don't know why I was surprised when you took off. I should have known that it would only be a matter of time.

Maybe I should have been happy that I got to tell you what I feel before you left. And that, I tell you, was hard enough.

Yeah, I'm brave. I hear the stories about me. Big (well, not really) and bad Spot Conlon. But you made me feel different.

And you fucking left me.

If you care as much as you claim to, you shouldn't have left. I loved (love?) you Jack. Who gives a shit about what anyone else thinks. Society looks down upon us enough for being street rats. Who cares if we're queers? All I wanted was you.

And you ran away.

Don't blame me for your cowardice. I won't stand for it.

And, yet, I'm pretty sure I still love you.

Damn you, Jacky Boy.

- Spot


	3. March 12, 1900

Author's Note: _And, here's chapter three. A little bit later than I thought I could get it out but it was a toss up between which stories I work on this week. I got _AVT _to do, as well as _Death. _Hopefully I can get more of this done too. Woot._

Disclaimer: _I do not own the characters of Spot Conlon, Jack Kelly or any other character from the 1992 Disney musical, _Newsies.

--

Empty Apologies

_You keep saying that you're sorry, Jacky-Boy, but that don't mean nothing to me._

--

_Jack Kelly  
1134 Cerrillos Rd  
Santa Fe, New Mexico  
(Territory of the U.S.) _

--

March 12, 1900

Jack,

I guess I'll start this letter with a question. What the fuck is wrong with you? You make me wait almost three damn months for a reply to my first post because you were too much of a chicken shit to _read _it?

And then you have the nerve to _thank _me?

When I got that first letter from you, right after you took off on us all, I was torn between wanting to follow you because I wanted to _be _with you and because I wanted to _soak _you. But I didn't. I couldn't. I've got responsibilities and I know better than to ditch them.

So you're writing back and forth with the Mouth, good old Davey? I've gotta remember to punch him for that. And Race is fine. He can handle himself alright.

Like you give a shit, anyway.

And how do you get off trying to tell me to _forget _you, Jacky Boy? You do not tell me what to do. You miss me? If you missed me, you would never have left.

You're a hypocrite. And I know what the word means – one of my boys got a dictionary or some shit and he helped me out. I don't know if you know what it means but just remember the word. Hypocrite.

You want me to forget you… even if I live a million years and pass enough damn centuries, I couldn't. But I can (and will) hate you. As much as I love you, I want to hate you more.

So there.

But, maybe, you can tell the fucking truth for once in your life. Because I don't think you want me to forget you. You don't want me to hate you.

I knew it from that kiss – you wanted me as much as I wanted you. And your lying to yourself.

Ass.

- Spot


	4. July 7, 1900

Author's Note: _Here's chapter four. As things are planned, there is only two more chapters to go. I might be able to eek a third one in for explanation purposes but I'm not sure yet. Anywho, enjoy! _

_And I want to give a quick shout out to Cookie :) Thanks for the plug(s), my dear. I was honored by it._

Disclaimer: _I do not own the characters of Spot Conlon, Jack Kelly or any other character from the 1992 Disney musical, _Newsies

--

Empty Apologies

_You keep saying that you're sorry, Jacky Boy, but that don't mean nothing to me._

--

_Jack Kelly  
1134 Cerrillos Rd  
Santa Fe, New Mexico  
(Territory of the U.S.) _

--

July 7, 1900

Jack,

Alright, you knew this was coming. There was no way that I was going to let you get the last word – especially after the letter you sent me back.

You may not see it – considering you're in your precious Santa Fe – but I've got one big ass smirk on my face. I knew. I just fucking knew it. I told you before, Jacky, that I got a brain – and not just half of one. I knew you loved me just as much as I knew I loved you.

But, no. You had to go and mess everything up by leaving.

Have I mentioned recently how big of a coward you are? Well, just in case: you're a coward. **Coward**.

And, you're so stuck on yourself that it's crazy. Have you thought about me at all? Goddamn it, Jack! I'm half the size of some of my boys – do you think they like taking orders from a queer? But they do. You know why?

Because I'm Spot fucking Conlon, that's why. So they listen. Just like your boys would have listened. But you never told them.

Maybe if your head wasn't shoved so far up your ass you would have known that.

And what about the Mouth's sister? She was a fling. Nothing more than a sad attempt to try and convince you that you're normal. But you ain't. And, instead of taking the news like a man, you ran away.

As for your _sorry_'_s_…

You keep saying that you're sorry, Jacky Boy, but that don't mean nothing to me. Your words are empty.

They're nothing but empty apologies. And I don't need them.

Keep to your precious Santa Fe. New York's too good for the likes of a chicken shit like you anyway.

- Spot Conlon


End file.
